Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm Hearing Voices - Dialogue Introduction

This is my second post in the I'm Hearing Voices blogfest hosted by Cassie Mae at Reading, Writing, and Lovin' it! and Angie at Live to Write...Edit when Necessary.



Today two characters must introduce each other using only dialogue—no backstory, no internalization, just dialogue between the two. Max 250 words.


I'm continuing with Summer Newcombe, the protagonist from In Name Only.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Hello?"

"We're not open yet."

"Where are you?"

"Under the bar. Leak in a water line."

"Oh. I came about the server job."

"You don't sound like a waitress."

"I haven't worked as a server since college. But I'm good."

"You like people?"

"Most of them. I have a good memory. I like to keep busy. And I need the money."

"Hand me the vice grips."

"Here."

"Thanks. You like Mexican food?"

"Who doesn't?"

"The Pink Tortilla makes the best. We stay full on the weekends and most nights during the week. But you'll earn good tips."

"Good smells are coming from the kitchen already. When can I start?"

"Uh-oh. Do you see a washer up there?"

"No."

"It's green. See if it's on the floor, or in one of the barstools."

"I don't--"

"Got it.  Okay, one more twist here. I think we're good. One second, and I'll be finished."

"Take your time. Do it right."

"We open in an hour. I have a lot to do yet. That got it. Oh . . . nice to see a real face attached to your voice. I'm the owner. Charlie Duran. Call me Charlie."

"Summer Newcombe."

"If you can hang around, we'll give you a trial run through lunch and dinner. The menu is simple. We're not fancy. If things work out, you can get your food handler permit online and start tomorrow. Is that soon enough?"


Total Words: 238

50 comments:

Linda G. said...

Nice! I could easily visualize these two, even without description.

Danielle B. said...

I want to work there just so I can hang out with these two. Great personalities.

Stephen Tremp said...

I can see the scene unfold, although if this were made into a movie the faces would probably be different. Kind of like guessing what a radio personality looks like then you see a picture of them and they're so different. But that's what's fun about reading sections like this. Imagining how it would look if this were a movie.

Joanne said...

I like the way they meet without actually seeing each other ... It works well, leaving the story purely to the dialogue.

Linda Kage said...

I love it! It's perfect absolutely perfect. When's the book coming out?!

Slamdunk said...

Wow Carol, well spent use of 238 words.

Cassie Mae said...

I wish my job interviews went like that, lol. I can totally picture the interaction and this whole scene. Great job here!

Carol Kilgore said...

Linda G - Great!

Danielle - The Pink Tortilla is a happening place :)

Stephen - I think so, too.

Joanne - I kept being tempted to put in all sorts of other things, so I'm glad it came across.

Linda K - Later this year.

Tracy Jo said...

Loved the conversation and I am totally digging Summer. I want to get to know her more...I think we would be good friends. :-)

Manzanita said...

This is great. The only part I don't get is the waitress line. I think the word server must be the new politically correct name for waitress, so how does a waitress sound? Oh, well, I don't really have to know.... I never eat out, anyway. Ha

Sara said...

I love the way you wrote this as a scene. I really get a sense of the characters.

Julie said...

Oh, this is excellent. I could totally visualize both Summer and Charlie, and their personalities came through the words. Great work! And I can't deny it immediately made me hungry for Mexican food. Who doesn't like Mexican, indeed. :D

Elspeth Antonelli said...

Great twist on the usual introduction story - good work, Carol!

Carol Kilgore said...

Slamdunk - Thank you!

Cassie Mae - Wish mine did, too!

Tracy Jo - Wonderful!

Manzanita - You figured out enough :)

Sara - Thanks. And I'm glad.

Emily R. King said...

You've done a great job of unveiling the scene. I was drawn in!

LR said...

Very nice. Reminds me of my old waitressing days. :)

Kyra Lennon said...

This is a superb example of how dialogue doesn't always need to be broken up with thoughts or descriptions. I am slightly in awe of how easy you made it look!

Angela Cothran said...

Carol--I can picture this whole scene in my mind (without any description). That is a talent! Well done :)

L.G.Smith said...

Really good dialogue. Can tell these two will hit it off. :)

And, yes, I want guacamole now...

Tara Tyler said...

nice to meet them! i bet they fall in love!
sweet slice!

Carol Kilgore said...

Julie - Great! I did my job :)

Elspeth - Thanks. Means a lot coming from you.

Emily - Cool :)

LR - You want fries with that, LOL!

Kyra - I'm slightly in awe of your comment. Thank you.

Margo Kelly said...

Nicely done! :)

Ashley Nixon said...

This was great! The dialogue was so crisp! Good job!

Carol Kilgore said...

Angela - Thank you. I'm honored.

Luanne - We must be related through the Guacamole line :)

Tara - My lips are sealed.

Margo - Thanks.

Ashley - I'm happy you liked it.

McKenzie McCann said...

Hmm, it makes me wonder how this scene fits into a bigger picture.

Trisha said...

Nice dialogue, and now I want to eat Mexican food! hehe

Cynthia Chapman Willis said...

I like these characters already and I really like the way you had them get to know each other. And there's a sense of something more to come that I want to know about. : ) NIce job!

Kelley said...

What great characters! Such effortless dialog! So well done!

*New Follower!* So nice to *meet* you!

Kelley said...

What great characters! Such effortless dialog! So well done!

*New Follower!* So nice to *meet* you!

Carol Kilgore said...

McKenzie - It's a part of Summer's story. Stay tuned for details :)

Trisha - I always crave Mexican food.

Cynthia - Goodie! And thanks :)

Kelley - Nice to meet you, too. And thank you for such kind words :)

Madeleine Maddocks said...

I really loved this dialogue, it set the scene well without tages or extraneous description.
The only thing that jarred for me & I hope you don't mind me commenting that I wonder if a potential employee would presume to tell a prospective employer to "Take your time. Do it right."
Great piece, nonetheless.

Jan Morrison said...

What a wonderful exercise and what good use you made of it! good work...

Rula Sinara said...

Love how naturally the dialogue flowed and set the scene. I do feel the characters. Well done! (BTW...you won a book at my blog :)

Carol Kilgore said...

Madeleine - Good catch. She should probably have said something like 'Don't rush on my account.'

Jan - Thanks, Jan.

Rula - Woo-hoo! I'll sneak over. Glad you enjoyed this.

Shirley Wells said...

Great characters and wonderfully sparkly dialogue. Love it!

Ciara said...

Great job! I could totally see the two interacting.

Jess said...

Oooo I really liked it! I could really picture everything even without the dialogue tags! Great job!

Carol Kilgore said...

Shirley - "Sparkly" :) Thank you.

Ciara - I'm glad.

Jess - Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

Small Town Shelly Brown said...

Very natural. Very easy to read. Nice work!

Lisa said...

Too hungry for Mexican food to think about your writing. (Just kidding. Nice job!)

Carol Kilgore said...

Shelly - Thanks. I'm all about easy :)

Lisa - Thanks. Guacamole, anyone?

Clarissa Draper said...

Your characters were making me hungry! I love Mexican food. Well, I better, I live here.

JoLynne Lyon said...

I like how this pure dialog communicates action.

Medeia Sharif said...

I like how Charlie and Summer don't see each other at first. I was drawn into the dialogue and could picture the scene.

Carol Kilgore said...

Clarissa - Yeah, good thing :)

JoLynne - Thanks.

Medeia - Great! I'm glad.

The Golden Eagle said...

I thought it flowed really well! :)

Carol Kilgore said...

Golden Eagle - Thanks!

Empty Nest Insider said...

I also think it's very clever that Charlie and Summer don't see each other at the beginning. I have a feeling that Live-in Handyman was your technical advisor. I enjoyed the realistic dialogue that really sold the scene. Julie

Talli Roland said...

Love the dialogue here - I can get a clear sense of their personalities.

Carol Kilgore said...

Julie - Ya think :)

Talli - Thanks!